The etiquette of baby showers, out-of-town weddings

Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, Thelma Domenici

Dear Thelma: My son's girlfriend of five years is pregnant. They eventually will be getting married, probably after the baby is born. She has asked me to have a shower for her and I gladly said yes. Now a co-worker has said it is inappropriate for a grandma to give a shower. Who is right?

A: Contemporary etiquette does allow family members to host showers in celebration of the new life. You can feel perfectly correct in doing so.

There was a time when it was not considered proper for a family member to host a shower. Because the point of a shower is to provide the honoree with gifts, it appeared self-serving if an immediate family member hosted. However, those ideas, and the rules along with them, have changed. Enjoy hosting the shower and the new grandchild.

Q: My son will be getting married out of town where his fiance's family lives. I know that very few of our family members and probably none of our friends will be able to attend the wedding. Therefore, we plan to have a celebration locally, sometime after the wedding, to introduce the couple to our friends in town.

This celebration may be six to eight months after the wedding because of their school schedules.
Our family and closest friends will be invited to the wedding, regardless of whether they are expected to attend. However, I'm unsure of whether to invite our local friends to both the wedding and the later celebration, or if they should just be invited to the later celebration. What is the proper etiquette in this situation?

A: If it's within your means to do so, I believe that all of them should be invited to both celebrations. Even if they cannot attend, people enjoy hearing firsthand of the blessed event and the honor of a wedding invitation.

Make it clear by the wording and style of your second invitation that this event is an introduction and not a second, very-late wedding reception. Present the celebration as a time to gather together and enjoy the company of the newly married couple. If it is not made clear, guests may feel it necessary to bring gifts as they would at a reception, which shouldn't be the purpose of this gathering.

Any gifts wedding guests choose to give should be given as close to the time of the wedding as possible.

Gracious hosting and good manners never go out of style.